AlwaysAndreina

Today’s blog was inspired by a video I saw with the artist Kehlani.

I’m also dedicating this blog post to all of the people that are redirecting their life right now, even if it’s painful to do so.

The last couple of weeks have been rough on me. I had been hesitant to redirect my focus for a little while now, even though it’s absolutely necessary. I’ve even asked God and the Universe to remove my attachment to what is weighing heavy in my heart in order for me to be able to redirect my life to another path.

I’ve decided to disconnect myself from trying to conceive. It’s been a journey of a few years now, it’s taking a toll on my emotional and mental health. I thought I was handling it well, but I am not. The sadness is just growing by the day and I can’t seem to shake it off. I don’t want this to spiral into a never ending cycle of depression. It’s time to let go.

For anyone that is redirecting their life even if it’s painful, do it. Do it for your own personal peace and sanity. There is a sense of relief when you get to the other side of letting go. You may go through moments of grief, sadness, anger and desperation. But don’t give up! Redirection is necessary. Change is necessary. The only constant thing in life is change. So why not use it to your advantage in times of need?

The beauty of life is that you can always change your direction with good effort and determination.

One thing to remember is that focusing on the controllables in life is balance. Trying to control things that are out of your control, leads to insanity. You cannot be sane and at peace when you are escalating your life constantly. You will never reach an end. The outcome of constantly escalating to things that you have no control over is called depression. This is why it’s important to know when you can no longer bring value to a situation, instead you are hindering it. I started to hinder my journey to having a baby by trying to control things that cannot be controlled. It became a sick obsession. What once started as an exciting journey to having a baby, it ended up being a sad and taxing journey. The desire to have a baby was no longer coming from a place of love, it was now coming from a place of hurt, anger, resentment and pain. That is not the energy that I intended to put out, but I did.

So with grief in my heart and tears in my eyes, I have to let go.

Today I may not feel good about it. In fact, I’m hurting. But maybe tomorrow I will feel the relief I need.

Right now my redirection will allow me to focus on the things that truly make me happy. I want to focus on things that bring me balance and that warm feeling in my heart. I want to travel, write a book, take some dance classes, be more physically active, make new friends and be more present. Who knows where this new redirection will take me. I’m not sure yet but I know it will be good for me. In all the sadness I feel right now, there is a small light inside of me that excites me to be another version of myself. For so long I have been the woman that can’t get pregnant, and now I will be the woman that is finding her happiness. And that makes me feel whole again.

I won’t be naive enough to think that these moments of sadness won’t come to my mind every now and then, and that is okay. I will feel those emotions and learn to release them as they come because it will no longer be my focus.

And maybe someday, not sure when, I will be blessed to have another baby. When that day comes, I will receive my baby with a healed and happy heart, because I redirected my life to a place of self-love.

So maybe this journey isn’t goodbye, but a see you later…..

As always, xoxo

Andreina